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Why I left Youtube, in 2290 words. | alovetart


November 27th, 2013 by Mary

Why I left Youtube, in 2290 words.

Where to even begin? It’s November 26th, I’m home from work and sitting on my couch waiting for my husband to come home with some delicious pizza. I tweeted a little message about my rediscovered interest in LUSH a bit ago, and I’m realizing that something is changing. It must be. I’m feeling happy discovering products and getting excited thinking of what’s new out there and what I’d like to try. What happened? Where did I go and what on earth was I thinking? There’s no way to actually explain my mind, my actions and how it all went down without beginning somewhere, somehow. I don’t expect these rambles to put everything into perspective for you, my dear reader and/or subscriber. I just thought, right now felt right, so I’m going with it. What happened? The house, the time commitment, the buying, the networking, the watching videos, the editing, the hormones, the pregnancy, the family’s health and my well-being and sinking beneath it all. Be prepared to jump all over the place, I don’t know how else to organize this blog post but to just let it all out!

Have you ever forgotten to call someone back, and the longer you wait, the worse it gets, but the sooner you call, the sooner you have to feel the guilt of forgetting in the first place? So you put it off longer, which makes it so much worse? Things sort of unraveled like that, dealing with real life problems with people coming at me from all angles wondering what’s up before I was able to wrap my mind around what was happening? It was overwhelming. I dropped Twitter, Instagram, my blog, I didn’t log into Youtube because I was scared of the response. I ignored it to work on what was in front of me (while making the disappearing act situation that much worse but seemingly necessary). There was so much love and support and genuine worry for my well-being, but to be honest, I wasn’t well, and I didn’t know what to say in response. There was also so much negativity and judgement and mean things said that I couldn’t handle being more fragile than usual at the moment. I had no intention of stopping videos all together, I became scared to get back on the internet and face the music that I vanished and disappointed and worried the very people who I’ve worked so hard for, for nearly 3 years. I made my channel into something I truly loved, I had a network of people who enjoyed what I had to say, and I just let that all go.

It took months for me to admit that it happened the way it had, and that actually, I wasn’t coming back. It may sound awfully dramatic, but outside of my husband, some friends and family, it was my entire past-time, all thoughts throughout the day were channel related. From the moment I woke up and washed my face, and used a face moisturizer, and brushed my teeth and picked out my makeup, it began! I loved it, all I did was compare products and figure out the pros and cons to each step, my mind was full of mini-reviews! Every time I looked in the mirror at work throughout the day, I’d see how each product on my face was holding up, and I’d reapply lipsticks and make more metal notes. I’d see how my nail polish looked in different lighting, it’s where my mind was. And on lunch breaks, I’d eat, chat with coworkers… but also Tweet and Instagram and stay connected to my girls. I mean, after 3 years of making 2-3 videos a week, and watching god-only-knows how many videos from those I was subscribed to.. you make friends. You hear others opinions of products, you learn from each other, you become inspired from others that happen to fit into what you’re into at the time, and you become part of a community. Again, what happened? Hormone shift! Oh, and a hugely wrong decision (purchasing a home, later to sell it, and by later, I mean, almost immediately) (which looking back actually was a great learning experience and a true test of following one’s instincts and something that worked out in the end, but started with a ton of worry and stress). Whaaa? More details to come.

Though my husband, Metin and I had been trying, the moment we found out we were expecting, things changed in ways I have a hard time explaining. I always envisioned keeping my channel throughout the pregnancy, I loved watching baby bump videos, learning from others experiences and seeing the progress throughout. We live over 2,000 miles from family, I always thought of blogging throughout the pregnancy as a great way to stay connected, and for my fam to see me often and be a part of it all. As you know, things didn’t pan out that way. It wasn’t just you guys I had to let go, I couldn’t force something that didn’t seem possible. Why? What changed?

My husband and I started building a house in October of 2012. There was a lot of hesitation along the way, it’s location was much further from city life than we were used to, but we wanted more space and to grow into a home rather than grow out of one. We noticed our hesitation but attributed it to problems with the builder, or the price tag of the home making us a bit nervous (though everyone is nervous buying their first home, so we shrugged it off). Finances are quite tricky, and the older you are, the more real it gets. In order to get x, y & z in the city we live in, we had to pay a pretty penny we talked ourselves into being comfortable with (problem numero uno). Months went on, and we were excited, there were many parts of the process that were great. We pictured our first house to be our forever home. We closed in April 2013 and moved in on the 7th. I kid you not, that very night, I took a home pregnancy test and voila! Poof! PREGNANT!!!! The very same day we move into our forever home, how exciting! Sounds like a dream come true, no? The pregnancy? Absolutely. The house at the very same time? Eeek.

So why not and what happened? I was very sick. This is normal, of course, the first trimester is known to be a tricky time for lots of moms-to-be. I was not myself emotionally and pulling away in every aspect. The idea of having a baby in a house where means were tight scared the crap out of me. We were married 4 years before trying to conceive for that very reason, to live comfortable enough, where money didn’t rule my every thought, what happened here? What happened to the bit of a financial cushion we worked so hard for? We made a mistake. We bought for too much, I was pregnant, and our life had to make a complete shift. What on earth were we thinking? Now that we’re in the house, we can’t even think of furnishing it! Or flying home to see family, or going to eat or the movies without counting pennies. Why was I so upset, aren’t you supposed to make sacrifices in life? You can’t have it all right? Just stay in like the good ole days, eat beans and rice and make the mortgage payments. This is possible, right?

I just didn’t want it to be. I was sick, and fatigued, and stressed, and I slept a lot, and I was not myself. I missed my small living space and comfy closeness to my husband. Now we were in this drafty, brand new house and I felt lost. Metin and I talked about our thoughts on the house. Maybe we just needed to make it more homey and lived in. So we unpacked every box and settled as much as we could. We hung things up on the walls, tried to organize the space the way we liked it, and still, everything felt completely wrong. My best friend came to visit, and our trips to the city and the beaches were long car rides away. What were we thinking, moving away from what we loved to this lonely big-ole drafty house? So we sold it. I kid you not, we are lucky enough to live in Southern California where the market is in decent shape, and we sold the house and moved within months. By August 5th, we were back closer to the city and work and beaches and everywhere we wanted to be. Yes, we unpacked and repacked and unpacked all of our boxes in this short amount of time. While pregnant and sick. We went back into an apartment, something cozy with enough room for the 3 of us. I could work on clever ways to organize and suddenly I could breathe again. It was all worth it, we now made the right choice! Quality of life is so important to me, I’d live in a tiny space and get to experience things, and go out and about and see movies and travel! These life experiences mean so much more to me than having a big ole house, and I learned that in a few short months. People may want to stretch themselves thin (or honestly, have no choice) but if I have a say in the matter, I’d choose a small, quaint, comfortable life any day.

Now there’s another aspect to the past few months which weighed heavily on me that I won’t share too much, since it’s not really my story to tell all the details. Metin and I visited Chicago in June to see my family and to celebrate an accomplishment my dad had achieved after working on for years. The very next day we arrived back home in California, my dad was seriously injured. It’s been a very long road since then and he’s making progress every day, but it’s taken it’s toll.

Instead of spending every waking hour thinking about makeup and nail polish and new product launches, I was reading up on pregnancy, baby products, newborns, diapering and breastfeeding and sleeping, and trying to sell our house. Instead of blogging and scrolling through Twitter on my lunch breaks, I was on the phone with my mom and dad to stay in the loop and keep company, and just stay close during tough times. And at night and on the weekends when I was normally filming, and editing, and catching up on Youtube videos, I’ve been cherishing the time I have with my husband while it’s just the two of us. Once our little girl arrives, our lives will absolutely change in every way imaginable. We are filled to the brim with excitement, we took every class about labor and delivery and baby care basics and breastfeeding! We are so ready, mentally. But we’re still enjoying just the two of us until little one is ready to join us.

I posted a picture on Instagram from time to time, but I couldn’t login to my email until very recently. I ran and hid under a rock that I’m just now peaking out from. Let me tell you why. We had maternity photos taken and I wanted to do my own hair and makeup (of course). What does that have to do with me finally getting on here and laying it all out for you? I found a fantastic photographer, set the photo shoot date and began testing products on myself again. Since April, I retired most of my makeup stash focusing on the above mentioned aspects of life. Having to work on which products I’d like to use for the shoot made me dig back into my things and find hidden makeup gems and compare them like the good ole days. It really helped me to rediscover my love for products and enjoy it all over again. And rethink this.

Now our hospital bags are packed and we’re ready to welcome our first child to the world. The bad decision of buying a house is long gone and replaced with a great learning experience. My dad’s on the mend, and mentally, I’m myself again. Baby girl could come any day now, though we’re about 2 weeks out from our due date.

What does this mean for the future of my channel? I’m not exactly sure. I have a baby on the way to care for and it’s time to focus on becoming a family with my husband. All I know is that I feel a sigh of relief knowing I’m not leaving, and that my love for making videos and being involved with Youtube is there (deep down), and that things happen but there’s always a way to bounce back. And I wanted to say I understand the feeling of betrayal here, (as dramatic as that may even sound). I was there for you to rely on for years and I just went away. And for that I am so, so sorry. I know there are people who left and want nothing to do with me or my videos, but there are some of you who are still wanting to see what’s up with me and I’m very grateful. After all of this, thank you. Youtube has become such a huge part of my life and it has brought me so much happiness in the past, I’m really breathing a sigh of relief it’s still here for me. I love you guys, thank you for everything.


113 Responses to “Why I left Youtube, in 2290 words.”
  1. Hi, I’ve enjoyed your YouTube channel for quite a while and didn’t even realize you had a blog. LOL

    I am so happy you are in a good place now and I don’t understand how anyone could feel betrayed that you weren’t able to post. I simply was concerned something was wrong with you, you come across as such a sweet person (which I still think is very much you) and I hoped it was simply a matter of life getting busy. Which it was. You have had a great deal on your plate to contend with so you owe nothing to anyone outside your loved ones. I wish you a great 2014 and that the ups and downs you experienced in 2013 will only be good things throughout this year.

  2. Anonymous says

    I am so glad you were able to share this story with us. I had wondered what happened and hoped to once again see a video! Super excited about the new addition to your family and very happy for you! Those of us who didn’t go away are glad you are ok and we welcome you back!

  3. Glad to see you back!
    I stopped making videos when I got pregnant as well. I just couldn’t handle everything and I was sick all the time. Once I came back I felt so lost but I am glad I came back and reconnected and am glad you are coming around!
    Congratulations on everything.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve gone through some hard times.
    This blogpost gave me goose-bumps!
    The most important thing is that now everything is somehow settled and you’ve learnt what’s important for you and your husband.
    I’m so glad for your little girl, congratulations! And I’m glad that your dad is recovering.
    I wish you a lot of happiness and most importantly that you can find the right balance for your family and yourself.
    And if some videos on Youtube happen to be uploaded, that would be even better, but the priority is your family… even for our readers and subscribers.
    Lots of love from Italy!

  5. So glad everything went ok for you and baby! Relax and enjoy this special time. It goes by quickly.
    Annabelle is beautiful and it looks like she has your full lips :) Love her name too!!
    Congrats to you and hubby. xoxo

  6. Congratulations!!! I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles that you and your family have had to go through. When you step back and look at the whole picture, there are trials and tribulations that we go through. We may not know why or understand it, but there are so many blessings in the end! I am a mother of twin girls and they’re 2 now and becoming a mother changes everything. I really have enjoyed watching your videos and I will completely understand if I don’t see you for a while! Again, congratulations and many blessings to you and your family!!

  7. So happy for you! The road was windy but your courage won and a good, brave decisions were made because of honest heartfelt communication. Take care of yourself, enjoy this magical and exhausting time of your life (it gets better at abouty 12 weeks, the first 6 weeks are hell). When the routine settles, and it will, then you need to come back to living your life. It’s ok fir the baby to share your like but the baby cannot BE your life.Cheers, Lulu

  8. First an foremost, Congratulations on your baby and best of luck! Now, I’m just so glad that you were alright. I always look out for our videos so when weeks passed I was more worried than upset. I was more afraid something may have prevented you from doing so. But I’m glad it wasn’t anything like that (illness, injury, etc.) I can’t understand how anyone could get angry at you or make mean comments when you aren’t able to make videos. It’s your prerogative and we should just appreciate it when you do. It’s not like we’re paying you and you have to show for it. It’s not as if a lack of consistent videos prevents us from living (don’t get me wrong I enjoy your videos). Those mean people need to get a new perspective in life. Please don’t feel bad about not having the time for it and I hate that it bothered you so. . People just needs to understand you have a life to live outside of YT. Just like your last video informed us (that you may not have the chance to make videos that often), now we know and won’t worry about you. Enjoy your baby and family.

  9. Mary, I cried as I read this. I can’t even explain the relationship I had with you and your channel before you left. You were my favorite youtuber and provided more enjoyment to my stressful days than you’ll ever know.

    I am so happy that you are feeling better. I was one of your subscribers that felt abandoned when you left, but reading how you put it into perspective about how it was similar to letting time lapse with calling a close friend, I totally and completely get it now. Thank you for taking the time to remind us how challenging life can be.

    Welcome back…I’ve missed you a lot. xo

  10. Mary, I just wanted to say how glad I am that you saw what happened as a learning experience, and came through it happier and more aware of your priorities. I have watched and enjoyed many of your videos but didn’t subscribe until a few months ago, and I quickly realized you were on hiatus – even so, your videos were full of good advice and lots of fun to watch. Thanks for being honest and thanks for coming back – I’ll be happy to watch however often you post, and I hope you share baby pictures :)

  11. Oh Mary, to think of everything you’ve been through! I think most of us understood that life just takes over sometimes. You don’t have to feel bad or anything. I’ve always enjoyed your videos and FOTDs but to be honest, I just figured you were busy with your pregnancy, the new house etc. I think most of us can understand that and don’t begrudge you for it at all. Youtube isn’t forever after all :) I am glad to hear from you and know you are doing okay. Whatever you choose to do, all the best and congratulations on your little girl! xxx

  12. Anonymous says

    I’m so glad you’re doing well Mary. I knew you were pregnant so I was just waiting patiently to see if you decided to come back and I was so happy to see your new video in my sub box. You made the right decision and focused on yourself and the people closest to you. I do know the feeling you’re describing about not calling people back and feeling worse as time goes by and you know you really should call them but don’t feel bad. Sometimes life thinks it’s funny to knock you around and that’s tough for anybody. I hope you have an easy delivery and a great Christmas with your family.
    -Stine (myrtlesage)

  13. I’m so happy to see you are doing well Mary! I hate to think you’d be worried or stressed about what other people think you should be doing with your own free time. I’ve always loved your videos, but would never expect you to make them. To be honest, if you weren’t enjoying it, they wouldn’t be the same. Thank you for your honesty and openness about what life has thrown at you since April, and I’m so happy you have found your way back to a happy, healthy place. Can’t wait to see your little girl, I’m sure she will be beautiful!

  14. Loved seeing you! Pregnancy looks beautiful on you!

  15. so excited to hear from you. don’t feel bad. this is life! everyone has been there in one capacity or another. i live in nyc with my husband and 2 kids. we’ve often thought about moving to the suburbs for more space but like you, i want to be closer to ‘my city’, my husband and the life we’ve created here together. I would rather live in a small space and be together as a family than move far out (adding at minimum 1 hour on to his commute) and be all alone. i completely understand your reservations and have heard of many people buying and quickly selling again (in this area) for that exact same reason. you are not alone!

    wishing you all the best as you enter this new chapter of your life….it will be amazing!

  16. Glad to hear you are doing well and to hear about your exciting news. Thank you for your honest blog post. I really enjoy your videos. They helped me to discover a love of makeup. Best of luck to you and your husband with the arrival of your little girl!

  17. Soooo glad to see you back! Congratulations on your pregnancy! Sometimes important lessons we learn about ourselves just happen in front of a bunch of other people – can’t be helped. I’m glad you are feeling more positive and that you’ve had the chance to realize what is important to you in life. We only get the one go-round after all. Enjoy your family & we’ll still be here to share with whenever you can make the time.

  18. You are so sweet. You have done nothing wrong. Please don’t beat yourself up about taking the much needed break. And don’t let negative people get into your head. It’s so good to have an update and see your beautiful face and the cute little baby swing in the background. You will fall in love with your little bundle and you just continue to take all the time you need.

  19. Oh sweet Mary, I’m so glad you’re back! Life gets in the way sometimes doesn’t it? And remember: your real life family is so much more important then your social media family! Yes, we love your videos and missed you a lot, but it’s your life, you really don’t need to give us an explanation. I’m so happy for you that everything worked out and I hope your future with you new babygirl will be everything you ever dreamed of. Forget the haters, they are so not worth your time!

    All the best from Europe, the Netherlands,

  20. Ruth Hoskins says

    It’s so good to hear an update :) Life gets hectic at times, things happen, and people who are actual loyal subscribers of your channel will understand that :) I love your videos and have missed seeing u but I totally understand that family does come first :) It’s so exciting knowing u have a new addition arriving very soon :) you will be a great mom :) Many blessings to u and your family :) Congrats on your pregnancy :)

  21. I have been exactly where you were and have done exactly what you did…my friend calls it ‘circling the wagon’. Sometimes you just have to step back and take care of what’s in front of you one step at a time because everything else is just toooo overwhelming.

    I have always loved your videos and every time I use my HardCandy eye shadow I think of you.

    As a mom of two, who are now 10 and 11….get a journal and write down little moments you want to remember, because time is going too fly by entirely too fast and you will have a hard time remembering all the little things…I wish I had done one.

    Best of luck to you and God Bless you and your family.

  22. Wow you have been through a lot Mary, it’s totally understandable that you have needed to take a break from YouTube. I hope the future is a lot easier for you and your family, and that you have a wonderful labour and delivery. I hope baby doesn’t keep you waiting too long, first babies have a habit of doing that. Take care and hope to see you soon, when you are ready.

  23. I look forward to seeing your videos and just know that you don’t owe any explanation. Of course you need to take care of yourself and I think its a privilege for us subscribers that you share yourself with us in YouTube videos. You put yourself out there and that is never easy it should never be a problem for you to take as much time as you need to focus on what is important in your life and just appreciate when you do come back around and hold no judgement towards u for exercising your right to your personal life :) glad to see you back♡

  24. Mary,
    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We are so exited to have you back for as long or as little as that might be. I’ am glad to know your dad is doing good, and I am so exited for your little baby. I never unsubscribed because I still had hope and I just loved all your inspirational videos. 7 months later here I am super exited that you posted your first video.

  25. melissa g says

    I am so glad that after everything happened you are still ok. I am sad that we were not a part of your journey but after reading this I understand completely. I feel selfish now that I think about it. I’m sorry.
    I want to thank you for sharing this with us. Understandably we acknowledge that you didn’t have to share but the fact that you did shows that you still want us all to be a part of your life. Thank you.
    I wish you all the best for you and your little family ^.^ I hope that you can enjoy every aspect of being a new mommy. Congratulations!

  26. Hi Mary! Congratulations on your pregnancy! Thanks for sharing. :) I’m glad everything is coming back together for you and your family.

  27. mary – thanks so much for sharing. i won’t speak for your other followers, but i don’t feel betrayed at all. i find it completely understandable that sometimes someone needs to take a break – whether it’s 5 minutes, 5 months, or 5 years. i have watched your videos for years now, and can honestly say that i’m just genuinely happy for this wonderful turn of life events. whatever your decision may be, i know that you will make it in the best interest of you and your family, and no one can fault you for that! congrats on your little girl!

  28. Dolores Mitchell says

    Hi Mary,

    Wow…. Lol You my friend have been through so dam much! My heart goes to u! You knw it’s funny finding out ur pregnant n being preggers is suppose to b a very happy time! I’m sorry u have had to go through so much. But the most important thing is ur ok n so is ur family. Ur about to become a Mommy ur going to love it!! Lol So dnt worry about other pple life ur life n do what u can when u can. For in the end u’ll find out who ur true friends are. Lots of love! Dolores

  29. Hi Mary! I missed your videos very much. I would check your channel a few times while you were gone just to make sure I didn’t miss anything :) I hope you know we all understand that you and your family come first, this other stuff is just a hobby. Your family matters most! Needless to say, I’m very glad you’re back even if it’s hit and miss, I love seeing your videos. Welcome back :)

  30. God bless you! Many of us pray for the bravery to say what you said and do what you did! Enjoy your family and relish in all the blessings HE has given you! Polish and lip stick fade, but love is forever.

  31. Faby (fabfab314) says

    I’m so happy to know more about you I follow you on Instagram and twitter also and I’ve seen pictures here and there pop up. I loved your videos and all the advice you gave us, and I also appreciate the effort you always put in to them, my personal favorite “face of the day”, and I thank you for all the time you did filmed videos, and letting us know what happen with you. You don’t owe an explanation but thanks for giving it. I’m very happy that you are ok now, I live far away from my parents and family as well and it’s very very hard specially if one of them is hurt its just unexplainable the anxiety and pain you go through, but I’m glad you say your dad is going to be better. As for princess on the way I couldn’t be more excited for you!!!!! Take all the time you need and if you ever want to come back as you said “your YouTube friend” we will be here waiting with arms wide open. Thanks for all your honestly and I just can’t pray God bless you, because even without even knowing us you gave a lot and not asking anything in return but just a view on your videos. Thank you God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful delivery and enjoy every moment with your husband and baby coming soon

  32. Hey there pretty lady. Worry not what others think, the most important thing is your family anyone with an ounce of maturity in their body will have just waited for your return and are happy you are back. I do hope we get a peek at the little miss when she arrives. :0) xxxJoolsxxx

  33. Mary! All that matters to me is that you are fine. I was absolutely worried about you as many others were as well. I am nothing but thrilled you are doing better and I can only hope they continue to. It cheers me up that you are back, and I do hope for the long run. But no matter your decision, I will support it all the way. And congrats to you and your hubby for your baby girl! You are THE best Mary, as always you cheer me up always.

  34. Mary!
    I was so happy to read this and catch up on how you’ve been. I can totally relate to your feelings having just been through my pregnancy emotions fly high! It’s a huge internal transformation and it sounds like you guys had your hands full otherwise as well! Good for you for selling the house! That took guts! I wish you a easy labor and a wonderful first few months with little girl:) If you ever need to talk I’m here for you as a new mom:) XO Emily

  35. Michele says

    I have missed you and am so glad that you are alright! Congratulations on your baby girl! Babies are such a blessing. I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s accident. I’m praying for his full recovery! It sounds like you have weathered the storm and are ready to take on the next exciting chapter in your life. Wishing you and your family all the best!

  36. Hi Mary,

    I’m glad you’re back, I missed your videos and your soothing voice. I can relate to not feeling confortable in a big house. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend and we would not want any more space, we like being in the same room together. It’s hard to understand for some people, though, like it’s not normal. I’m glad you trusted your instinct and didn’t endure an unpleasant situation. I wish you the best of luck with your baby girl.

  37. Hi Mary, So glad you and your family are doing well! it’s been a tough year for you and I hope the future will be brighter. I’ve missed your beautiful face and soft nature!

  38. So glad to hear from you Mary! :) I completely understand the whole “hiding under a rock” thing and know that we all have our reason and that at that time it was the right thing for you. I’ve done my share of hiding from the world and that’s around the time I found YouTube and your channel. It helped me to stay connected to a group of people such as yourself and feel like I had friends of some sort since I felt I lost my real life ones because of my hiding. I’ve also been peeking out from under my rock and hope that like you I can still find people that care and are there for me just us I’m sure many of us are here for you.
    So glad everything is now going great and you are feeling happy with all aspects of your life. Hope your dad is perfectly well soon and my best wishes to your husband and you with the coming of your baby girl :) I know your family will be blessed since you don’t deserve anything less than to have a happy life with your new baby and the others to come :) Hope to see your videos in the future though :)

  39. Catherine says

    I’m so glad to hear from you. I was so worried. And I admit I felt betrayed. And then I felt so guilty for feeling betrayed, because I hadn’t ever met you. We weren’t real friends. I just felt like you were my friend. I didn’t wear makeup before I saw your videos. I don’t even know how I could have possibly found your videos. But you made such a huge impression on me. It’s something about your calm demeanor. Your very real presence. You’re a real woman on Youtube. That’s hard to find. I trusted you, I listened and bought what you said and I love your recommendations. I re-buy them. I have a facial disfigurement and your foundation recommendations have made it so I don’t worry about that issue anymore. I lcan’t say it any differently than that I missed you so bad. I checked back and checked back. But nothing came, and I was just thinking the worst. But I kept checking, and I hope that conveys to you how wonderful you are. I just checked again and saw this!! I can’t tell you how glad I am to finally hear your story. I am SO GLAD you sold that house. I mean, for a thousand reasons, I get that. I admire you so much for knowing what is right and not stubbornly sticking to this line we are given as young Americans. I don’t know what will happen with your channel from here out, but I am just so immensely glad to hear from you. I am glad the three of you are doing well. I just feel silly with how much I missed you, a perfect stranger to me. But Mary, I’m so glad to read this. I welcome you back, or not back. Whatever you want . Be happy. I missed you. Catherine

  40. Rebecca says

    I understand. People who subscribe/watch videos on YT can be quite demanding and get their feelings hurt if someone walks away from making videos. They forget that people have lives and other needs that should be taken care of first. For some people YT is their job, and so it’s not easy for them to stop, but for most people they have to do what works for them. I know what you mean about moving further out from a city. I’m a city girl and have to live on the east coast. That’s just the way it is and I love it. Feeling uncomfortable, stressed, and pregnant is a lot on one plate. Maybe those people should think about empathy and put themselves in your shoes.

  41. Hi Mary!

    I just wanted to start by saying: “Congrats on the new baby!”. I’ve checked your channel and Instagram so much over the time you’ve been gone but understood that if you could that you would be back to us. I enjoy your videos, they give me happiness and a sense of calm, I’ve actually been watching your old videos as they coordinate with the months. Everyone misses you and I’m sure are glad to know that you’re doing better and in a good place. A lot of YouTubers have left and dropped their channels but I don’t feel that you have, I always chalked it up to pregnancy and there is no normalcy in that time, I speak from experience as I was a totally different person while pregnant. I’m so glad that you refound your love for beauty, I’ve never known anyone to share my love for polish and I wonder if you still buy them, I’ve actually gotten up to over 400 in the past year because he colora you share are just amazing. A word of advice though, when you do come back maybe start off slow, don’t overwhelm yourself, do as much as you can, want, & are able to and don’t let anyone else define your channel or content. Even if you just start off with Instagram posts and not full videos, your true fans will appreciate anything and everything you do for us. Can’t wait to have you back!
    Sincerely, Tiffany.

  42. First, congrats to you ad your husband. Happy for you both. Sorry to hear about your Dad and hope he has a speedy recovery. Take your time, if you do decide to come back. Family is your priority as well as yourself. You are missed and we will be here when you are ready.

  43. Brenda Carlson says

    Wishing you and your family all the best in the future. Yes, you are missed, but YouTube is not essential to a life well-lived for those who make the videos or those who watch them. It takes a mature individual or couple to verbalized what isn’t working in their life at that moment in time and to make the necessary changes to get to the life that suits them best. In other words, it’s all good.

  44. Hi! I found ur videos the same month you stoped. That day i saw half of all ur videos! I was hooked! The following day i saw some and so on. Then i was waiting for more videos but then i saw u were expecting. Sweety its ok. My son is 12 months now. I understand please take your time. The first month baby is with you dont even think of youtube. Enjoy the baby because they dont last that long that small. And once the moment is gone it does not come back. I remember my first month with my son, i would wake up so many time at night i would put on netflix to stay awake with the baby while he had his milk. I understand, i will wait and enjoy ur videos when ur ready to come back. God bless you and ur family and the baby!

  45. Sending you blessings and love to you and your growing family. This should be an exciting time and am sorry to hear the stress it added to you. Life happens and it’s beautiful!

  46. Hi Mary,
    I have been checking this page often to see if you have posted anything about how you are doing. Please know that while I hope you do return to blogging and YouTube one day, I’m so happy to hear that things in your life are settling down and are on the mend. And ultimately, I will be happy with whatever choice makes you the happiest. Of course your followers and subscribers miss you, but I do hope that most of them, like myself, are more concerned about your general well-being than what you have to post about nail products and makeup :) I wish you well, and hope that you check in again once your little girl arrives!! Please take care of yourself and do what’s best for you!

  47. Love ya lady and always will. Do what’s best for you and your family!

  48. Glad to see you are ok. Everyone goes through seasons in life. The house was a good decision. It’s not good to be overextended. That doesn’t bring peace. I wish you peace of mind, health, love, a time of calm in your life and a very happy holiday season. Enjoy the new baby and your family time.

  49. Jennifer says

    Hi Mary. It was so wonderful to read your post today. I’m so glad things have sorted themselves out and you and your family are doing well. I know it’s bizarre to care about someone you’ve never met, but I got addicted to seeing you on YouTube and reading your blog !!! When everything stopped, I certainly hoped things were ok. I’d click over to your blog and wonder if all the negativity you hear about from bloggers had hit you as well. So happy for the baby news and that your dad is on the mend. Remember, you don’t “owe” us anything !!!!! Obviously, we all just want you to do what brings you joy, and to look after your health and family. Just know that you hold a special place in our hearts, you are so missed and we wish you well in wherever life takes you.

  50. So glad to hear from you. Glad that you are happy and where you want to be. Glad you will be welcoming a new little daughter soon. Happiness to you, whatever you decide to do. Just so happy to hear from you!

  51. you are awesome!! please dont feel bad about you taking time away from social media and YouTube to deal with your life. Things happen for a reason, you stay strong! we will be here for you when you are ready. Congratulations on your new baby girl on the way, I am so happy for you

  52. Every month I’m looking for you, because you make me happy . , not just for your advice , also for your joy the share them . Today , discover your letter made me happier , because now I know you’re right : fighting for your happiness, that inspires me to do the same with my life . THANK YOU

  53. Stefanie says

    Come back when the time is right and you are ready. But do not feel like we felt betrayed or ditched. You need this time and we understand. That’s a lot to go through in just a few months, and you did what was right for you! Those who don’t understand, don’t matter. My grandma always said ‘those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!’ I hope you return someday and I hope it provides an income where you can stay home with your lovebug! Take care!

  54. So happy to hear you are ok!! Like others, I’ll be there ready for your first video should you decide it’s the right thing for you to do again :) if not, I’ll support that decision too!! It’s your life, you rule it, it’s not for anyone else to depict any part of it. So happy for you and your baby :)

  55. Natalie says

    I have to say that I am so glad that you are okay! It is weird how we don’t even know each other, but I noticed when you stopped making videos, and wondered periodically if you were doing alright. I had a feeling that you might have been pregnant and laid youtube to rest. Everyone goes through things in life that they can’t really explain and others may not understand, but I’m glad that you did what was best for yourself. It was very kind of you to let us all know how you are, and why you left youtube. Congratulations on the new baby. That is exciting! I hope all is well with your job, and I’m so glad that you are back into a home that suits you. You are a lovely person and I wish the best for you always. Thank you for not getting rid of your channel altogether, so that I may still check out some of those nail polish reviews! ;) I hope to see you on youtube again in the future, but if not, then take care in life and enjoy your family. :)

    • I feel just like Natalie. Thank you so much for letting us in, that was brave and honest and sincere, and just totally makes all kinds of sense. I’ll keep my eye out just in case you ever feel the need to try out some lip products on camera, but I imagine you’ll have your hands full for awhile…. : ). Miss you, so happy you’re well, congrats on the new baby!

  56. Mary God bless you and your family always! i do miss you on youtube i will always be waiting for your return,and if you dont its ok.Im just glad your ok! Glad your father is better as well.Enjoy your precious girl.Im soo happy for you!! You will always be my fave soo genuine you are!i wish you the best!

  57. Love your post, still love to hear how you are doing. I totally understand why you needed to make changes. I wish you all the best!!!

  58. Sweetie, Don’t worry for a minute about taking a break. Take all the time you want, or jump right back in. We are always here for you.

  59. Miranda says

    There’s a lot I want to say but mostly, thanks for the update, I missed you a lot, glad you feel like yourself again, sorry about your dad :( and congrats on the baby girl. I just had my first back in June after being married nearly 5 years and definitely cherish the time with Metin now because it will never be the same.

  60. Trillium says

    Thanks Mary, for letting us know! You’re one of my favorite YT’ers and I’ve missed you a lot. I do hope that you will consider coming back, but I certainly understand if you don’t. I wish you all the best and hope you will find the balance of things that make you happy.

  61. I’m so glad you felt comfortable to write this sincere post about your whereabouts. I must admit I was concerned and wondered if you were mistreated on youtube, which I find so heartbreaking. I enjoyed your videos and kept checking back once in a while to see if your had returned. Understandably you had your concerns and it is fair that you have made the best decisions for you and your family. :) Congratulations on the new addition of a little girl to your family; and very happy to hear that your father is getting better. Your holiday season will hopefully bring you the desired joy and fullness you are looking for. All the very best to you, your baby and husband. Have a great holiday season :)

  62. I’m just glad you’re doing ok! Congratulations on the baby and I hope your father keeps getting better. Real life is unpredictable and I can’t understand how your priorities shifted. I’d be really happy to see videos again if you feel ready to return. I will always be grateful for the holy grail products I discovered through your recommendations and specially the tips on how to clean up around the nails (it was a game changer for me!). It might seem like shallow stuff, but I truly appreciated “a perfect stranger” taking the time to help others. So… THANK YOU! You have my very best wishes and I hope everything goes smoothly with your delivery :D

  63. nsbhater says

    OMG, I miss u even more when readig this. And I feel a bit sad for u too. I know u didn’t write this to get pittyness, but can’t help. You guys have gone thr a rough time, that’s for sure.
    If it helps in any matter, I know that feeling of moving, and at the very first step into yr new house u can’t help that feeling that it’s just not right. Happend to me too. We moved from a small apartment into a huge house 8yrs ago (didn’t build it though), and I immidiately regretted it! I wanted to like it but couldn’t help it. We moved further away frm my work and my friends, but closer to my partner’s work, family and friends. So it made it very diffust for me. And I can’t even start imagining how it must be having to go thr yr dad’d not being well+being pregnant+lots of financial challenges (that alone can be really hard) and +++ poor u! I’m sooo delighted to hear that u t feeling better now

  64. I miss your videos and blog posts, but the well-being of you and your family are far more important than YouTube and make up! You shouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt for taking time to focus on actual life. I agree with the person who said it takes zero effort to be subscribed to someone’s channel! If, one day, a video pops up from you, I will eagerly watch it – but if it doesn’t, I completely understand.
    Thank you for sharing this, I’m glad everything worked out with the living situation and best wishes to you and your family :)

  65. Hi Mary,
    Wow, what a year you’ve had! Prayers for your Dad’s recovery, congratulations on your baby girl…daughters are wonderful…I have two myself. Wishing you and your family happy and relaxing holidays. Enjoy these times….they are the best!

  66. When I read this post last night, I won’t lied, a teared up a little bit.

    I was sadden (especially because I just started to really pay attention to your videos) when you stopped posting videos but never was I disappointed in you. Life happens and you had to set your priorities straight. I’m grateful for your videos (and that you didn’t delete them) and I am grateful for this post and for you being willing to share a part of your life and what happened in the last few months. It’s just nice to hear from you, to know that you are doing well (and I got so excited when you tweeted about Lush, it felt like when you hear your favorite artist hint that they’re going to drop a new album or something lol).

    I am so sorry that you had to go through all this difficult times but things ended up well at the end. No matter what happens, I wish you all the luck and so much happiness for your growing family. I’ll keep on supporting you and sending you happy vibes <3

  67. OMG!!! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU! AND CAN I SAY YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.!!!! LOL But im so glad you are healthy and happy and starting a new chapter of your life! congratulations to you and your hubby. I and many others mommys on here can 100% understand why u up and left. I know with my first pregnancy it was supper easy, but with my second, i locked my self away. i was in pain and stress, and all that good stuff. Everyone had different experiences. IM SO GLAD SOOO SOOO GLAD AND EXCITED FOR YOU AND EXCITED THAT YOU ARE NOW IN A HAPPY PLACE! I WILL ALWAYS BE A SUBBY, AND WILL BE WAITING PATIENTLY WHEN AND IF YOU COME BACK! But if not, i wish you all the happiness in the world!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxxoxoxoxo

  68. I just recently discovered your videos and I love them! I’m a teacher & I have realized that I had sort of tamped down my love of nails, makeup, etc. You have brought back that passion full forse and I thank you so much! I so hope that once you get in the routine of your new roll as mom, that you will go back to doing videos! Maybe you could review baby products!? :) Bless you and your family! P.S. I did the turkey design on my nails and it turned out great!

  69. Dearest Mary,
    As a long, long time subbie and fan of yours.. (even though you in no way “owed” anyone this explanation), it’s nice to see you again. :-) I can’t even imagine the year you’ve had, but every single person on this planet has a life outside hobbies/work/etc, and that life takes priority. I’m sorry for the struggles you & Metin have had, but so glad to know you followed your hearts and instincts with the house, that you & your family are well and healthy, and that soon your daughter will be here! Know that you will always have friends whom you’ve never met all over the world whose lives you’ve touched, even if your face never graces You Tube again. :-) I wish blessings for your labor & delivery, and I hope whatever the future brings for you, it is full of joy.

    <3 Debs from Norfolk, VA

  70. Congrats on the baby! Mary I truly understand the pressures we put on ourselves and I support your decision to move on with your life and enjoy it. I removed my entire channel (kfyecats) because I felt so much pressure to get videos out and update my blog. Its mentally exhausting. I too crawled under a rock and the only thing I’m doing now is instagram but I changed my user name so I would be someone else, someone who thousands of people didn’t know. Its nice to live life for yourself and your family. Don’t worry about us who follow you and think of you as a dear friend we will never meet. Enjoy yourself and enjoy your beautiful family.

  71. Anonymous says

    Mary! Don’t be too hard on your self! Sounds like life lol, remember those who mind don’t matter and those who don’t mind matter. We r here waiting when your ready. Motherhood is wonderfully hard but it’s worth every second. :)

  72. Anonymous says

    Mary, thanks for sharing this with us. I really missed you and your videos. I actually became disinterested in make up videos myself. I’m 28 but have gone through enough in life to say that family comes first. Of course if you feel that the first thing that comes to our mind wen u wake up is making YouTube videos, we wud really not mind that ;)

  73. Wow. I’m breathing a sigh of relief for you. I thoroughly enjoyed your videos. If it’s meant to be, you will return to the World of Youtube. You have been greatly missed but family and sanity come first. Hope to see you back soon :)

  74. Alexandra says


    I have been watching your videos since you started and I can tell you that you have been truly missed!! That being said, we who care about you understand that you have your family and life, and whatever decision you ultimately decide will be ok. Your videos were awesome and i thank you for always being yourself and giving all of us so much of your time. Congratulations on your baby and I wish you and your family many blessings!!

    Alexandra (atabey1877)

  75. JohDonna Harris says

    I will anxiously wait for your new videos for as long as it takes. This is your life to live anyway you want to, no need to explain your decisions to ANYONE! Return to making videos when you and ONLY YOU are ready! Let your heart lead the way. Best wishes to you as you begin this WONDERFUL family journey with your husband!! Please let us know when your little bundle of joy arrives! You will be an AWESOME MOTHER!

  76. Fatima Solano says

    Hi Mary! Welcome back!!!
    As a fellow chicago-an (if thats even a word) Im soooo happy for you! Its crazy because I was just looking up your thanksgiving nail design & as i watched it I said to myself.. I miss her videos,… I log on fb & bam!! There is a post on vlog! You dont need to explain anything im glad your doing fine! & i hope your dad is doing fine too!! Im so happy to hear your ok! Its crazy because everytime a new product is out i think to myself I wonder how mary would would use it! I know you will be busy the next few months with ur baby girl! But I want you to know you will always have me as a subscriber.. Even if it takes you 10 years to return! May god bless your little family! & your baby girl! Which by the way i hope shes born on the best day ever!! DEC 6!
    My birthday!! =]. December babys rule!! Happy Thanksgiving!! Your friend from Chicago! FATIMA =]

  77. I’m so happy for you and your husband! How exciting! I’ve missed you so much on youtube! You’ve been my favorite youtuber and still are. I figured your absence was something personal. You have to take care of yourself and your family because that is what’s most important. I’m so glad you’re doing so well though. I look forward to updates in the future. Congratulations on the baby!

  78. TerriHope says


    I know things get crazy sometimes, and life brings about so many changes. Hang in there, Mary. I am so glad you are feeling good again. Congrats on your new daughter about to come in to the world! :) You are going to make a fantastic Mom. You are one of my favorite you tubers, always so real. I really enjoyed your videos. It’s understandable that life takes you other places, so we are here if and when you make more videos. <3

  79. Mary, first of all congratulations on your baby girl, surviving what sounds like what has been a very trying time for you and the scare of your father. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me I was so happy to see your beautiful photos and to see this post pop up. No apologies necessary. I am happy to hear that you are doing well and even if buying/selling the house was an overwhelming experience and it was bittersweet – it was a learning experience and we all have those. Thank you for your candid post. I wish you nothing but the best (though selfishly I will miss you on Youtube!). Congrats to you and Metin on your little princess and know we always support you. Thanks for keeping us posted. Take care and much love to you.

  80. Mary I’m so sorry that you have been through so much this year but I am really glad that you are coming through the other side. You have so much to look forward to. Motherhood is incredible! I know everyone says that and it’s a complete cliche but it still astounds you when you experience it yourself. My son was born in July and I really had no concept of being this happy until he entered the world. I’m sorry that a few people have not been understanding but that is their issue not yours. You have done nothing wrong and you owe us nothing. You are my favourite youtuber and I will always be a subscriber regardless of whether or not you upload again. I love the videos you’ve made up until now and love rewatching them (in fact I made a few purchases this wkend after recently watching one. Seche vite love!) but if you decide not to make another video again I will follow you on whatever medium I can, be it twitter, Facebook etc. I hope you feel the love here because the vast majority of people have nothing but good wishes for you. I understand that you felt the need to explain and hopefully it has made you feel better to do it before embarking on the amazing adventure of motherhood. Sending you nothing but love and positive wishes from my corner of the globe (London, England). Take care of yourself xxx

  81. Girl, what a year you’ve had!! I’m so glad that so much of your tough times seem to be coming to an end. Although you have been GREATLY missed, your absence is now perfectly understandable. Should you decide to return to YouTube, I will continue to be one of your MANY admiring viewers. Whatever you decide, please know you’re appreciated and cared for by many. Blessings to you and your soon-to-be little one. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

  82. It’s good to hear from you. I’m glad you are feeling better. I look forward to your return to YouTube. And also looking forward to how the baby may change the subject matter of some of your videos. Life is a constant wave, we just have to learn to roll with it. ;)

  83. Mary, I love your channel and if you would ever come back, I’ll be a faithful watcher! I loved the way you did tutorials & reviews and everything, so calming! But, life happens and things change. So so happy for you, good luck on the baby girl and enjoy the new house! :)

  84. Mary, I am so happy for you all. Life is too short to be stressed out about videos. Focus on you family for now. Miss you lots but I totally understand.

  85. Samantha says

    So glad you are ok and congrats on the pregnancy! I’m due in 3 weeks! Good to hear from you ☺️

  86. You are beautiful and I love watching ur videos. There is no need to say sorry. Everyone needs personal space when you share so much of ur life online! I am happy that you are focusing on your family and will pray for your dad! Check in once and awhile :) hope to see a beautiful family picture soon :) I hope your delivery is smooth :) looking forward to one day watching a video :) <3

  87. Mary, you have nothing to apoligize for! You have your priorites straight. Best of luck with your new precious girl and enjoy life with its ups and downs.

  88. Victoria S Andrews says

    I’m just glad that you are alright! No worries over the rest of it, we deal with what we can how we can at the time. Glad you are going to have an addition to the family, and glad that you seem happy again! Whenever you are ready I am here to watch or read or whatever. I understand the hugh time commitment so give what you can. Much love. V

  89. Hi Mary,

    Whatever your decisions may be now or in the future, know that you are much adored and that nothing will change that. You’re such a lovely person. I appreciate all you’ve given in your blog and on youtube. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure these struggles and I’m glad things are changing in a more comfortable direction for you and yours. May all your baby wishes come true now and always.–Stacy

  90. Elisabeth says

    I can’t wait to see new videos in my subscription box but take your time. We understand! xx

  91. Mary, thank you for writing this. I can imagine what a relief it is for you. Your true fans will wait for you, and be glad to do so. Also, being a first-time mom (My baby girl is 3 months old.) I urge you to cherish every single second with your baby. Mary, the nights are really really long, but the time goes by so fast. I look back at photos of my baby as a newborn and wonder how she was that small. Where does the time go, and why so quickly? I would love to see videos of polish and makeup (you are my favorite guru after all), just don’t sacrifice time with your new family to hurry back. We’ll be here.

  92. I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well and I wish you and your family the best of health and happiness. I really miss your videos, you’re one of my favorite YouTubers, but you should take your time and do what feels right for you. God bless :*

  93. I am so glad you and you’re family are okay. I know how overwhelming YouTube can get, and that’s without all the other stresses and worries you have had to deal with. You sound like an incredibly strong woman and I think you will make an amazing mother. I hope the birth goes well for you all and look forward to maybe seeing you back on YouTube from time to time. Jenna xx

  94. Mary, I am so happy that you are alright! It sounds like you went on a real journey and have learned what is really important in life! Have a great time making a family! We love you!

  95. Valentina says

    Hi Mary. So glad to know you and family are getting better. That’s the most important thing. I hope you will end up doing videos again. Take care. Thank you.

  96. thank you so much for this post! you were the very first channel i ever discovered in the youtube beauty world, and the very first person i ever subscribed to. because of stumbling across you i have been opened up to a hobby that i so badly wanted and needed in my life!
    hope someday you will be back on youtube, but enjoy life with your little angel in the mean time :)
    take care mary!

  97. Hi Mary, I was following you from the Netherlands the last months before you were pregnant. As much as I like your advise and your videos on lifestyle issues you have to listen to your heart. Have a great time with your husband en soon to be little girl!

  98. Just glad everything is getting better! I hope you and your family will be okay and we’ll see if you’ll join us again on YouTube!

  99. So happy to hear from you. This is your blog and your channel. And if you needed to walk away from it for a while or even for good that is your choice only. People are ridiculous to be mad or offended at this. Their sense of entitlement is disturbing.

    I am so glad to hear things are going well now and completely understand what you were feeling through all of that. I wish you a wonderful and healthy baby and the happiest of lives.

  100. I’m so sorry for all the struggles you’ve faced, but I’m so glad it all worked out! I’ve wondered about you here and there in your absence, but never in a negative way. Congratulations on your little baby. Babies are wonderful and amazing and everything. I’m not delighted for you. I look forward to you (as slowly as YOU need to) finding your way back. XOXO!

  101. Girl, it sounds like you’ve had a ROUGH year! No wonder you haven’t had countless hours to devote to the internet. I’m sure there’s lots of us who could benefit from taking a step back every once in awhile, so bravo to you for actually recognizing that/doing it! Everyone just misses you, but your actions are totally understandable. Hopefully you come back to YT eventually, but if not then we’ll understand :) Good luck w/your new little lady!!

  102. I know all of us just missed you! We were never mad that you left, everyone has their own lives, just excited for the day you come back! :)

  103. I am so glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and your family first, as they are the most important.

    I never felt betrayed, I can’t imagine, especially after hearing of your trials this year, how someone could make it about them anyway.

    It’s your channel and your life, I feel lucky to have been able to have the videos you’ve done. I absolutely will watch & read if you do decide to take it back up, as I’m sure many others will.

    Isn’t there some sort of idiom about knowing who really is of value in troubling times? If I could recall it, it seems appropriate here.

    I said so on IG and will here again, congrats on the pregnancy! I wish you and your family the best. I truly hope your dad recovers too. It’s so difficult to be far from family in a time of strain & be unable to be there. I’m in NoCal & my family is in the Southern Midwest, so I understand that too well.

    Again, best of luck, good wishes and lots of happiness to you! Thank you for sharing this. You did not owe anyone anything, but it is good to hear you are doing better.

  104. Sallyann says

    It was so good to hear from you I wondered every now and then about what you were up to and what had happened. It sounds like you have had a terrible time :( but congratulations on the pregnancy that’s amazing I’m so happy for you!! I wish you all the best !! And if and when you can fit youtube back into your life I will enjoy watching your videos again! Good luck with the birth ( take the drugs :). ) xx

  105. Mary,

    I am so sorry to hear about the recent misfortune you have experienced. You are so real to come out and be so vulnerable about your “diappearance.”
    With so much negativity that goes around i applaude your bravery. I have definately missed your videos and I hope you find it in you to return. Please do not feel discouraged because you have a huge YT family that will welcome your return with open arms. Congrats on your pregnancy!! I have two small children and my biggest pieces of advice are; take time for yourself and.soak up every second you have with her.Time goes by too quickly. Thank you again. Best wishes.

  106. It’s so nice to read this. I’m guessing so many of your readers and subscribers completely understand that life takes a toll sometimes and that people need breaks. Family and friends are the most important things in life. everything else is just filler. ;)
    What I never understood were the mean comments like “I’m unsubscribing bc you haven’t made a video.” So what? It takes zero effort at all to be subscribed to someone, and you never know when someone might come back and pop up in your news feed. I adored your get ready with me videos and reviews so why would I ever get mad if you needed a break or quit all together? I only hoped you were well and sent best wishes your way. I think people so often forget the PERSON behind a YouTube channel. For the vast majority of people, YouTube isn’t a profession, it’s a hobby. A hobby that takes creative energy and time but its also just a hobby like any other (knitting, running, model airplane making, whatever) that gets set aside when other big picture life things happen. So Mary, thank you for sharing with us, that’s incredibly kind of you, and I still send best wishes for your impending arrival. She will have such a lovely life growing up in a cozy home, going to the beach, and messing up Mom’s makeup. :)
    If you ever feel like it, hop back on to YouTube, we all still love you, and I, for one, would totally understand if you never had regular uploads. In fact, my favorite YouTubers are never regular, and that’s why seeing their videos pop up makes them even more fun to watch.

  107. Alicia Jarrell says

    Oh my goodness, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you! I’m so glad to hear that everything is looking great now, even though you went through a lot. I heard from another youtuber (I really don’t remember her name, it was a while ago) that you were pregnant, but I had no idea how far along. It’s good to hear from you again. I hope your delivery and recovery go smoothly. :)

  108. I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but I don’t feel betrayed by you deciding to focus on other things going on in your life. Sometimes life just happens and you need a break from the stress that comes along with blogging/making videos. It sounds like you have had a ton on your plate, good and bad, I can’t imagine trying to juggle all of that and trying to keep up with the insanity that the beauty world can be sometimes. Congratulations on your little girl, and I hope your Dad is doing well and continues to get better each day. You looked beautiful in your maternity photo on Instagram, I can’t wait to see photos of your little one if you decide to share them once she arrives <3

    I know there are a lot of people like me who will be here waiting for new videos or blog posts if and when you decide to start back up. :)

    • I totally agree with Jen’s comment :) It’s totally understandable that you stepped away from youtube/blogging at this time in your life!
      I am so so excited that you are having a little girl! :D ♥ I only found out a few weeks ago when I saw a photo on your Instagram. I’m so happy for you and I hope everything goes smoothly for you & little girl.
      I have missed your videos a lot so I hope you do decide to start making them again but if you don’t, I understand completely! :)

      • Every month I’m looking for you, because you make me happy . , not just for your advice , also for your joy the share them . Today , discover your letter made me happier , because now I know you’re right : fighting for your happiness, that inspires me to do the same with my life . THANK YOU

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